What a lovely way to burn...

Wed, 27 Dec 2006 22:13:42 GMT

I broke up with my girlfriend today... Well - last few monts it all was meaningless, stupid shit. It's all over now and I'm happy. Girls - I'm free) Anyway - it was I think my best decision)
Well -I'm enough self-confident and cold now, so giving a smallest reason I'll turn to her worst nightmare.
Today I completed my presents's shopping and bought a few things for myself)) Why shouldn't I give some present to myself anyway? It makes my mood))
Also today my old boyfriend appeared in ICQ with promises of endless and immortal love)) haha - funny)
In coclusion - well - FUCK OFF BITHCES WHO PISSES ME OFF, YOU WON'T SPOIL MY MOOD NO MORE AND FOR OTHERS:

Bored.

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 22:18:31 GMT

Well what do you think?! What on earth?! All got!!! Especially you – does you think, out of your cashes I will not live?! Do you think, all it is possible to purchase in this world? Do you think, all spins round on avidity and profit? Why to disbelieve in the best, probably sometimes... no!! It is necessary not only to get a drunk an own lie but also to break other's mood!
I'll explain now, what I wanted to say by this. A grandmother got – she thinks, that I am a robot, talks that I doesn't do anything. Well certainly, my life and so all abuts against endless studies. Really is it so difficult to understand that resting is so desirable for me sometimes?! I – what, not a human?! I want normal life also, a human which would love me, I want to go for a walk with my friends and laugh,to have fun and rest, want someone to whisper that she love me...BUT IT IS NOT!! While my best friend looks films with her boyfriend, I study.When my friends go for a walk – I study. While my girlfriend hangs around - I don'r know even where and with whom -I study!!! When the same bitch lies and looks TV – I sit in the room, repeating all of these incredible dates on history. Well and what the hell she thinks she can consider my look to life as unappropriate?! And it is 90 percents of true about me that she do not know even!! How do I socialize with people? With what people? What are my looks to life? All of it is limits of her reach, but she for some reason counts herself in a right to judge about all of that. And if it is simply desirable to have fun and spoil someone's mood it is possible on 100th time to repeat, that I do nothing. And then to threaten with a money which she will not give on courses on the second half-year for me not to arcue with her. Really, how can a human deliver so much pleasure of dpoiling someone's mood, and then to cry about how ubhappt she is, what rubbish I grew and why I am a not normal man *«normal» means - round-the-clock sticking out after textbooks or other books*. How much I want just to say:"Goodbye you all, fools!" and go away.
Bored...by everyone and everything!!!

Need to calm down.

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 23:20:40 GMT

Woke up early morning and felt sick. It was because that bad dream I had, I didn't want to care about it, didn't want to think it all through again and fell asleep again. Woke up too late and realised I could be late for my courses, although they were started only 5 p.m.) Had a shower, ate breakfast, looked through new entries on my friend's journals - it seemed only Evil had sth new) Where the Hell are the others?! Well - got dressed and examined myself in the mirror.Huh)(...
Went to the courses - I knew I had to be late and that little-bitch on the bus stop who second time tried to steal sth from me just pissed me off. I shouted sth like - "I'll rip your hands off next time" and jumped on bus.
Then... it was pure Hell - like burning in Satan's flame. Too hot in class - having a headache i was sitting there and writing that fucking test*I almost sure - I failed* after supervision of Cerberus-like teacher. After received marvellous in its size homework went to another class for English studies. I left there a bag and lit a cigarette downstairs, still little furious.
After studies I went with two girls from my group to the bus stop. One girl was like: "Don't smoke on me!!" And I said:"If you don't want just move away. What's your problem?!" She said sth meant - "my problem is you". Still angry I just got down on her:"What do you mean, little fat bitch?!" What she answered I would never forget to - "You're satanist. We're different.Thank us that we're tolerantly to you. I know that it's all difficult for you. Someday you'll understand how immature you were with your believes" That just pissed me off again*her glamarously appearance and immortal rised-too-high self-appraisal just added oil into flame - "WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY TOLERANTLY?!! DO YOU MEAN THAT I'M LOWER THAN YOU?! YOU MUST THANK ME THAT I DON'T SAY NOTHING ABOUT YOUR PRIMITIVE FAITH - WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE IN? iN SHOPS AND MAGAZINES?! AND DO YOU REALLY THINK THERE IS STH TO STOP ME FROM - LET ME THINK - FOR EXAMPLE, KICK YOU INTO YOUR FACE-ASS?!" That time she was scared enough and could only say - "You won't do it...w-w-well..anyway - I'm sorry"
What's the meaning to waste my time longer on her, I got home alone and wanted to relax.
Well - of course, I wouldn't. The problem was my mother's bad mood. My mum asked for some help - "Yeah, ok" - I said - "What exactly should I do?" Without nearly any explanation I was shouted to go and not to disturb her no more. She said sth like:"I better do it all myself, it'll be faster. I always should do everything!!" Well - that time I was clever enough not to argue and went to my room where I was phoned by my acquaintance. I chatted with him, told about how angry I still was and how tired I was. He could always made me smile)) Then I called my friend and was pleased with our conversation in spite of the fact it was short*thx my mum((*.
Well - it seemes that crazy day is near to an end. I want to go to the shower and then go to bed. I know sometimes I'm little too fierce but then don't show on my way!!

Hell, sweet Hell.

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 22:53:37 GMT

Coffee, a cigarette,aromatic candles, an old good film,a few words from dearest friend and few little, but good news... Simple things sometimes can make the best day. Self confidence, smile and tranquility - I missed you, angels)
Hm...I have some really interesting plans for holidays, especially New Year) I don't like to fix upon, but - who the Hell I try to lie to - I hope it'll be amazing night with "bad things" to some people)
Well, anyway - I plan to have an amazing holiday - one or another way I'll do it for myself and noone will spoil it))
The only thing I miss - the real winter. It's 12 of December already, but there is no snow, no frost, no ice - only tiresome, grey sky "like a rat" day after day. Jesus, what a fucking, boring winter are you planning for us?!

Distortion.

Sun, 10 Dec 2006 21:35:11 GMT

Everything should be in another way. It's all wrong. That's unfair!! I know that it sounds too pity, but it shouldn't be like that with that meaningless and so disgusting tears, dreadful fears and dead-ends in the end of each tunnel. It was planned like a perfect fairytale with trite "happy-end". Now I see ugly creatures in all those mirrors. Why can't you just say me what's wrong?! You always said you're brave, pride and clever - but you can't understand even banal things!!! That makes me sick. You and your endless lie. I know exactly - they are who will be my executioners in Silent Hill if I get to there. You angry - all the time - it don't makes me cry no more like a long time ago, don't you understand?! The only thing - it makes me nervous and angry. I understand - it's too difficult for little brave nazi-girl - just to say all that is happenned. Won't you share with me your "broken dreams"?..how pity - haha.
Well,I can't say how long it will continue - with each day I'm more and more further from you. And really I hope it won't continue too long. It's enough! Without memories it all becomes unimportant. Why should i waste my time on you?
"At the end of the tunnel out goes the light"...

My hope, my confidence

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 22:05:48 GMT

"There're some things we forget, and some we never forget"
I'm seeking for an escape, I see all that year like a torture. It was complete Hell from the beginning and it comes up to now. Well - I have understood many things - important for me - and an idea of suicide for an example - seemed to be near to me not far ago - seems like complete nonsense now. We must live for life. There's no god to believe in or to worship for, so the only I hope for are my friends and my own demons. I'm waiting, waiting with growing impatience an end of that educational year that seems like the beginning of absolutely new life - without some disgusting individuals who accept it as a rule to discuss me, blame me for nothing, lie - don't even enough brave or clever to tell me the truth; without that "vampiric addiction" to some ugly creations; without that whom i depends on now. It'll be just me with freedom to do all I want to and say it as well, my life and my own nightmares and noone to break me down but "lost memories".

...but probably it's all just my lie and auto-suggestion))

If you don't like - just don't read.

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 20:53:51 GMT

I'm new to LJ and try to find new interesting people and places. Thx my dear friend for introducing me there)
Well, I'll try to lead it regularly. It'll be reflection of new me and my new life -interesting for you - I hope. Don't try to get down on me, but feel free if you have some common interests.
You can love me or hate me. I'm here not for arguments or proving sth to somebody or to be encyclopedia of satanism or gothic - just for communication with interesting people.